lunaajosephina

Poems on the bathroom floor

Red eyes and dark circles under.
Wet duvet from the tears that fell down.
Salty taste on my lips, a body that shivers, trying to protect the heart that is screaming for help.
Poems on the bathroom floor, torn up pictures all around.
I love you, but it is time to learn that I need to love myself more.

What is normal anyway?

If I listened to what people call beautiful for the eye, I would never paint.
If I wrote the way people wanted me to, I would never write. 
If I listened to what people say is normal life, I would never live.
But here I am, painting, writing and living life. 
What is normal anyway?

Slippery dance floors and a secret tequila corner.

Halloween.
A beer in my hand. I am looking around and my face shows a constant smile. 
Old friends, new people, music that makes everyone shake their a$$es off. Everyone taking turns between the dance floor and the secret tequila corner.
Love and hugs, too many shots and slippery floor from the spilled drinks.
Laughs and connections, catch ups about life and so much shared happiness.
Do I really need more in life than this?

You are not the one for me.

"Last night I went home with that guy again. You know, that guy that is nothing but trouble?
We fucked like animals and it was nothing but fun.
He held me tight in his arms the whole night and for a second, I could feel him craving someones arms around him. It did not take me long to realize that it was not my arms he wanted so badly, and it was not his arms that I craved.
I am not the one for you, and you are not the one for me.
_We just share our naked bodies to avoid giving away our hearts too anyone who actually could be the one."

And I need to calm the fuck down and trust the universe

Here I am again. Anxiety taking over every single breath. Telling me that the future is to much to handle. That the present sucks and telling me all the things I did wrong in the past. 

The last couple of weeks has been invited by hell. 
I do not know what this is coming from. I am so anxious all the time, and my tears and panic attacks are taking over. The voice is back. You know when your mind is telling you that nothing is worth anything. I just want to pause life, for a month or so. I just want to lay in my bed under the blanket for weeks, with no responsibility. No work, no stress, no; 1 million changes per day. 

There has been so many changes for me, in such a short amount of time. 
First my dad moved in with his girlfriend, her kids and my sister. 
I have been living at my cousins place for two weeks, and tomorrow I am moving in with my mom.
People have left with no explanation and I just had to accept the fact that some people leave without telling you. 
My mom is moving soon, and I have no idea where to go. 
I am going to LA in three weeks, and to be honest. I am not even sure that I want to leave again. 
It feels like I am running away again. But only now, I do not have anything to run away from.

What I need right now in my life, this period of my life, is a place that is mine. Where I can work on me and no one else. I need my own apartment for 2 am yoga, and cooking naked with music blasting in the background. I need a place that is mine.
Not for that long, I do not want to settle down etc. But at least for a while.

I have noticed that I have been running away for the last couple of years. When something's been tough, I just moved in with a friend, or spent everyday at exes places. I booked a plane ticket, and stayed the exact time, so that when my life cached me, I just moved again.
I have not had to deal with anything for years. And now I am. And oh dear universe. 
I have a lot of things to work on, and move on from, and to deal with.
I do not want to run away any longer. And I do not want to move around from place to place to no have to deal with life.

I met a person not long ago, and I saw sooo clearly in him that he was running away from his life. And that is when I saw it in myself as well. I have been doing the same thing, but I was not aware of it. Even if people told me, I could not see it. 

Time and patience and effort. 

I know that everything right now is happening for a reason, and I know that everything will work out just fine. Or more than fine.

Right now though? 
I want to scream as load as I can, I want to punch walls and tell everyone to fuck off.

I can see so clearly now, my past mistakes, the mistakes I am doing now, and what I truly want and need in my life. But I can also see how far away I am. And that is driving me crazy. I just want it all done right away, when I am aware of something. I really need to practice patience. And I need to calm the fuck down and trust myself, trust the universe, and the timing. 

Time, patience and effort.

GUYS, the energy that has been going around since the Lunar eclipse has been intense like crazy! 
Can you believe how much is going around in the universe right now?
It is like 500 planets going retrograde. We have moved in to Leo season, lions gate, and at the same time there was a blood/full moon and an eclipse?
SOOoo many changes in the air, so much confusion and clarity at the same time. Like you could feel the ying and yang in yourself. 
I can not even explain how this energy is like you know? It is like an upgrade or rebirth. Or maybe more like I can see myself better? 
I can see where I am in life, and where I want to be. 
I can see what makes me happy, and what I am actually doing for happiness.
I can hear my purpose calling me, and how far away I am right now from it.
I can see all the changes I need to make in my life right now. Things I did not see this clear only a week ago. 

When I was visiting India, I meet an amazing person and soul. And he thought me "time and patience", and how important that is in life. 
A week or two ago he told me that he upgraded that saying to ; "time, patience and effort."
And yeees, I loved it. And that phrase changed a lot of thinking too. 

So now, that I can see it all from other eyes almost (third eye, yes?) This adding in effort into the sentence make sense as fuck.
I need to make effort and changes in my life, and then have patience and give it time. 

Believe, and see magic start to come your way.

Lately I have been having troubles finishing my texts. I have so many different ones. But I can not seem to find the perfect way to end any of them. I guess that I am scared. Scared to finish them and then sharing them here. My fears are telling me that what I am writing is not good enough to share. That it does not fit in here. Maybe the other people who put their texts here is better than me. Do they really need me to wright? What if everyone gets disappointed on what I share? I feel so exposed. So naked and vulnerable. 
Writing and sharing has been my dream for so long. And I guess that I am afraid to fuck it all up, now when I have got this amazing opportunity. I know that it will be alright, and if I make a mistake that is alright. Dammit Jo, that is how you learn in life. Mistakes are amazing. And I have to start to love and appreciate my mistakes as much as my success in something. 
I am great at this, and as long as I got my own beliefs, that is really what truly matters. 
So go on. Right your story, share your darkest fears with the world. Expose your scars and let people heal from that. Believe in yourself, like that tattoo on your arm says. Fucking face your biggest fears with a smile, and let no one, especially yourself, tell you that you can not do anything. 
Believe, and see magic start to come your way.

Stay wild moonchild

This was seriously the most amazing thing I have ever seen. I have never felt so much energy, love, magic, connection and hope at the same time before. I am so grateful that I have got to experience this. And be a part of a lunar eclipse, and blood moon at the same time. I am so blessed with this and so happy. Also, I had the chance to see experience this with some amazing souls. That night I fell in love with the moon even more. With life, with hope and with my purpose here. 
As I sat on the beach next to the ocean, I pulled a card out,- meadow-vulnerability came up. And it told me to stop being afraid to be me. That it is time to show myself to the world, no matter what others might think. That people might judge and reject. It is time to face my biggest fears; being me to the fullest and get rejected. To show me to the world. To open my heart up, even if that means to be vulnerable. 
Thank you, my beloved moon. Thank you witch sisters for sharing this with me. Thank you universe for always showing me the most magical things. Thank you eclipse for this priceless sight and everything that came with it. 
Now it is time for some changes, facing fears and throwing myself into the unknown once again. 
Stay wild moon child.

Pysselbox

I love crafting! To make my own stuff and play with colors and different ideas. 
But all my stuff were all over the place, and no order what so ever. So I took an old banana box and made it to my craft box to have it all collected. Order is another thing I just looove haha. 
Here is some pictures before, during and after!

"Pyssel" means crafting in Swedish!